EDITOR’S NOTE: Submitted by Jerry Weissman, since this week’s Torah portion is about Baalam.

Some donkeys are smart…

Movies:

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a donkey sitting next to him.
“Are you a donkey?” asked the man, surprised.
“Yes.”
“What are you doing at the movies?”
The donkey replied, “Well, I liked the book.”

Front Seat:

A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a donkey in the front seat.
“What are you doing with that donkey?” He exclaimed, “You should take it to the zoo.”
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the donkey again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over.
“I thought you were going to take that donkey to the zoo!”
The man replied, “I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!”

Rabbi Alex Goldhamer does circumcisions and to increase business he has decided to put a notice for his services on the Internet. He is calling his new service “e-moil”.

From the Jewish Bulletin of northern California. Helen

EDITOR’S NOTE: Two of my favorite Jewish father jokes, and then some commentary.

A Jewish boy walks up to his father and says “Papa, I need fifty dollars.” The father says “forty dollars?! I don’t have thirty dollars! What do you need twenty dollars for? Here’s ten dollars.” He hands the boy a five and says “split it with your brothers…and bring back the change.”

A Jewish father was concerned about his son who was about a year away from his Bar Mitzvah but was sorely lacking in his knowledge of the Jewish faith.

To remedy this he sent his son to Israel to experience his heritage. A year later the young man returned home. “Father, thank you for sending me to the land of our Fathers, ” the son said. “It was wonderful and enlightening, however, I must confess that while in Israel I converted to Christianity.”

“Oi vey,” replied the father, “what have I done?”

So in the tradition of the patriarchs he went to his best friend and sought his advice and solace. “It is amazing that you should come to me,” stated his friend, “I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian.”

So in the tradition of the Patriarchs they went to the Rabbi. “It is amazing that you should come to me,” stated the Rabbi, “I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian. What is happening to our sons?” Brothers, we must take this to God,” said the Rabbi. They fell to their knees and began to wail and pour out their hearts to the Almighty.

As they prayed the clouds above opened and a mighty voice stated, “Amazing that you should come to Me. I, too, sent My Son to Israel.”

Let’s have some jokes for the Jewish father, nu? | j. the Jewish news …

On Father’s Day, Whither the Jewish Dad? – Forward.com

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

“You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside and the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?”

“Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”

“What . . . You’re coming empty handed?”