SOME DONKEYS ARE SMART
EDITOR’S NOTE: Submitted by Jerry Weissman, since this week’s Torah portion is about Baalam.
Some donkeys are smart…
Movies:
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a donkey sitting next to him.
“Are you a donkey?” asked the man, surprised.
“Yes.”
“What are you doing at the movies?”
The donkey replied, “Well, I liked the book.”
Front Seat:
A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a donkey in the front seat.
“What are you doing with that donkey?” He exclaimed, “You should take it to the zoo.”
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the donkey again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over.
“I thought you were going to take that donkey to the zoo!”
The man replied, “I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!”
IT PAYS TO ADVERTISE
Rabbi Alex Goldhamer does circumcisions and to increase business he has decided to put a notice for his services on the Internet. He is calling his new service “e-moil”.
From the Jewish Bulletin of northern California. Helen
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!
EDITOR’S NOTE: Two of my favorite Jewish father jokes, and then some commentary.
A Jewish boy walks up to his father and says “Papa, I need fifty dollars.” The father says “forty dollars?! I don’t have thirty dollars! What do you need twenty dollars for? Here’s ten dollars.” He hands the boy a five and says “split it with your brothers…and bring back the change.”
A Jewish father was concerned about his son who was about a year away from his Bar Mitzvah but was sorely lacking in his knowledge of the Jewish faith.
To remedy this he sent his son to Israel to experience his heritage. A year later the young man returned home. “Father, thank you for sending me to the land of our Fathers, ” the son said. “It was wonderful and enlightening, however, I must confess that while in Israel I converted to Christianity.”
“Oi vey,” replied the father, “what have I done?”
So in the tradition of the patriarchs he went to his best friend and sought his advice and solace. “It is amazing that you should come to me,” stated his friend, “I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian.”
So in the tradition of the Patriarchs they went to the Rabbi. “It is amazing that you should come to me,” stated the Rabbi, “I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian. What is happening to our sons?” Brothers, we must take this to God,” said the Rabbi. They fell to their knees and began to wail and pour out their hearts to the Almighty.
As they prayed the clouds above opened and a mighty voice stated, “Amazing that you should come to Me. I, too, sent My Son to Israel.”
Let’s have some jokes for the Jewish father, nu? | j. the Jewish news …
A FUND RAISING IDEA
The May, 2013 issue of the Boston Magazine has an article in it called Dedicated to the Shoes We Wore. Many of the Boston Marathon runners donated their shoes to a memorial to honor those who could not finish the race. They were placed in a heart shape on Boylston Street where the race should have ended. An aerial photo of the many-colored shoes in a heart shape is on the cover of the magazine. On her trip to New England in May, Meriam Nagel took a photo of the original picture that was used for the magazine cover, autographed by the photographer. As a fund-raiser for Aitz Chaim, she is offering to sell 8 x 10 framed prints of the picture for $20.00 each, with the proceeds going half to the Boston 1 Fund and half to Aitz Chaim. If interested, please contact Meriam Nagel by phone, or email editor@aitzchaim.com.
MAZAL TOV!
Mazal Tov to Jessica Dawn nice, daughter of David and Julie Nice, who graduated from cMR High School on Saturday evening, June 1, 2013. We all wish you well as you begin your new post high school life.
VISITING GRANDMA
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
“You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside and the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?”
“Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”
“What . . . You’re coming empty handed?”
BOARD METING THIS SUNDAY, JUNE 2, 2:00 P.M.
There will be an Aitz Chaim board meeting this Sunday, June 2, at 2:00 P.M. at the Washington building, 1015 1st avenue North. Any congregation member is welcome to attend.
YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED – JUNE 18, 7:00 P.M.
Friends of Natalie Guerin (formerly Fisher) are cordially invited
to a get-together at the home of Don and Helen Cherry
Driftwood Condos
349 Fox Drive, #13,
Tuesday evening, June 18, at 7:00 P.M.
No RSVP needed.
Please bring tales — short or tall — about what you’ve been doing since you saw her last.
Natalie will also be at the Hadassah gathering in Bigfork June 21-23. Looking forward to seeing you at one or both upcoming events.
HADASSAH WEEK END — JUNE 21-23
EDITOR’S NOTE: Adapted from their web site and newsletter.
The Montana Chapter of Hadassah is a member of the Hadassah Desert Region. It is a special organization as it is one of only two Hadassah chapters to cover an entire state. The members of Montana Hadassah organize local book clubs and fund raising events. But we also come together as a single group each year to plan activities, share our interests and knowhow, and get to know one another. Although the physical distances between us is large, the over 100 members share their enthusiasm for the Hadassah mission and strive to create a sense of Jewish community.
Our Mission
Hadassah, the Women’s Zionist Organization of America, is a volunteer organization that inspires a passion for and commitment to its partnership with the land and people of Israel. It enhances the health of people worldwide through its support of medical care and research at the Hadassah Medical Organization in Jerusalem. Hadassah empowers its members and supporters, as well as youth in Israel and America through opportunities for personal growth, education, advocacy and Jewish continuity.
Vision
To attract and engage younger women
To strengthen Hadassah in the United States and in Israel
To build a global organization
To engage new partners and build coalitions
To develop and fund initiatives that impact both Israel and the American Community
Values
Embracing Change
Fiscal Responsibility
Integrity
Jewish Continuity
K’lal Israel Community
Personal Growth
Pluralism
Social Responsibility
Tzedakah
Volunteerism
The best part of our organization is that we provide a unique opportunity to connect with other fabulous Jewish women around the great state of Montana. Our chapter is itself a resource to create new friendships while we pursue our Jewish education and do important global service. Local groups form Book Clubs and Fundraisers, and fun activities to build our Montana Jewish community.
Interested in Joining?
Have you recently moved to Montana and would like to learn more about our chapter activities? Explore our website and contact us directly.
We are looking forward to a wonderful Montana Statewide Hadassah Meeting, June 21 – 23. We will be on the shore of beautiful Flathead Lake at Marina Cay in Bigfork. You will be inspired by our Shabbat Services, educated by health professionals, informed about Israel, past, present and future, and delighted with good food and friends. As usual we will have a lot of fun with our Silent Auction of new or lightly used items and make plans for our Chapter at our annual business meeting. Laura Green, our Region Area Vice President will be our special guest. Laura’s in depth knowledge of Hadassah and Israel will make for stimulating discussions. Of course we will plan on some free time for taking in the town of Big Fork. The weekend will begin with Shabbat dinner at Steve and Patty Schnall’s beautiful home on the Swan River. The meal will be provided by our Flathead Valley members. Please make your hotel reservations and send us your registration form as soon as possible. The cut off date for the hotel rates in our block is May 21. If you have any questions, please call or e mail any of us. See you soon.
Melissa Werner, Mary Kaplan, Kay Gersh, Ginny Shayne
Marina Cay Room Reservations: Ask for HADASSAH Group Room Rates @ 1-800-433-6516
The Registration form
Montana HADASSAH Annual Meeting 2013
Honor the Past – Inspire the Future
JUNE 21-23, 2013 Marina Cay Resort – Bigfork, Montana
Fri, June 21 7:00 pm Dinner followed by service and keynote speaker
Sat, June 22 8:00 am Breakfast, Shabbat morning service, Hadassah Programming
Lunch, Dinner, Havdallah, Silent Auction
Sun, June 23 8:00 am –12:00 pm Breakfast, Montana Hadassah Annual Meeting
Registration Fee: $36/person (enclose with registration form) Make checks payable to Montana Hadassah and mail to: Montana Hadassah
c/o Mary Kaplan
136 Lupine Dr
Kalispell, MT 59901
Accommodations: Marina Cay Resort in Bigfork has a variety of lodging options and has offered Montana Hadassah a substantial room discount starting at $109/night (based on using a minimum number of rooms.) Please call the resort at 800-433-6515 or 406-837-5861and let them know you are with HADASSAH. In addition they are offering these rates for 3 days prior and after the weekend, for those wishing to extend their stay. Please make reservations early to get your preferred lodging. Hadassah rates, reservation deadline is May 21. For more information go to: http://www.Marinacay.com.
What Will it Cost: Your resort room; Dinner Saturday evening
Registration fee of $36 – includes 2 breakfasts, 1 lunch
Questions: Melissa Werner: mswerner@centurytel.net
Ginny Shayne: virginia_shayne@yahoo.com
Kay Gersh: gershkmt@gmail.com
Mary Kaplan: marymtmx@gmail.com
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REGISTRATION FORM: Due by June 10th Enclose Registration Fee of $36/person
Name(s):
Address:
Street City, State, Zip
Phone #s: ________________(H) _______________(W) ________________(C)
Email: ____________________________________ Need a roommate?
RABBI CHAIM TO VISIT MISSOULA/FLATHEAD/GREAT FALLS/HELENA
Dear Friends,
Do you need a Mezuzah for your home or office? Want to chat with a Rabbi about something? Need a dose of Torah?
I will be G-d willing visiting cities around the State on the following days:
Tuesday, May 28 – Missoula
Wednesday, May 29 – Kalispell/Whitefish
Sunday, June 2 – Helena/Great Falls
Let me know if you you’d like a visit or anything else.
( If you signed up for a free Mezuzah, I will be calling you, no need to email again)
Shalom,
Rabbi Chaim Bruk
The Aitz Chaim Ram's Horn 