Category Archives: May
SAD NEWS FROM RUZ GULKO
From: Ruz gulko
Subject: Bad news!
Date: May 6, 2015
Shalom, friends, hope you are all well.
I had a nasty fall outside yesterday, ended up in the ER. No kidney damage or broken bones that we can tell so far, but very severe contusions on my back and side. I can barely walk or sit. I am crushed that I won’t be able to come out next weekend! I am so so sorry! I hope we can reschedule over the summer, even before the HH.
My very best to you all.
NEW JEWISH WORDS
New Jewish words
Jewbilation (n.) Pride in finding out that your favorite celebrity is Jewish or that your offspring is marrying a Jewish person.
Torahfied (n.) Inability to remember one’s lines when called to read from the Torah at one’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah. (OR from the Haggadah at Passover)
Matzilation (v.) Smashing a piece of matzo to bits while trying to butter it.
Bubbegum (n.) Candy one’s mother gives to her grandchildren that she never gave to her own children.
Chutzpapa (n.) A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 am so she can change the baby’s diaper.
Deja Nu ( n.) Having the feeling you’ve seen the same exasperated look on your mother’s face, but not knowing exactly when.
Disoriyenta (n.) When Aunt Linda gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.
Hebort (v.) Forgetting all the Hebrew you ever learned immediately after your Bar or Bat Mitzvah.
Jewdo (n.) A traditional form of self-defense based on talking your way out of a tight spot.
Mamatzah Balls (n.) Matzo balls that are as good as your mother used to make.
Meinstein (slang) “My son, the genius!”
Mishpocha-dots (n.) The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on your face and collar after kissing all your aunts and cousins at a reception.
Re-shtetlement (n.) Moving from Brooklyn to Ft. Lauderdale and finding all your old neighbors live in the same condo building as you.
Yidentify (v.) To be able to determine Jewish origins of celebrities, even though their names may be St. John, Curtis, Davis or Taylor.
Minyastics (n.) Going to incredible lengths and troubles to find a 10th person to complete a Minyan.
Feelawful (n.) Indigestion from eating Israeli street food.
Dis-kvellified (v.) To drop out of law school, med. school or business school — as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents or Uncle Sid.
In extreme cases, simply choosing to major in art history when Cousin Irv’s son, David, is majoring in biology is sufficient grounds for dis kvellification.
Impasta (n.) A Jew who starts eating leavened foods before the end of Passover
Kinders Shlep (v.) To transport many other kids besides yours in your car.
Schmuckluck (n.) Finding out your wife became pregnant after your vasectomy.
Shofarsogut (n.) The relief you feel when, after many failed attempts, the shofar is FINALLY blown at the end of Yom Kippur.
Trayffic Accident (n.) Discovering that there was pork in your appetizer.
Submitted by Elliott Magalnick
WEEK END HOSPITALITY
Todah Robah to the following Congregation members who have offered their hospitality to Ruz Gulko and to provide the oneg:
- Airport Pickup: Marty foxman
- Friday evening,May 15, 2015, dinner with Ruz Gulko: Jerry and Nadyne Weissman
- Oneg: Don and Helen Cherry
- Saturday morning, May 16, 2015, after Torah study: Lunch with Ruz Gulko:
Also, a big thank you to Don Cherry for finding the best possible air fares and flight connections.
JEWISH WEEK END
Please mark your calendars for these upcoming events.
- 05/15/2015: Shabbbat services, led by Ruz Gulco, 7:30 P.M. at The Bethel. Oneg to follow.
- 05/16/2015: Torah study, 10:00 a.m. led by Ruz Gulko at the bethel
- 05/16/2015: Milchig (dairy) potluck, 5:30 P.M. at the Bethel. Please bring a dairy dish to share. Adult discussion to follow, led by Ruz Gulko.
The address of the Bethel is 1009 18th Avenue Southwest. click here for map and directions.
We will also need to coordinate moving things out of our closet that same week end.
YAHRZEITS — MAY, 2014
Ram’s Horn policy for listing yahrzeit memorials:!
Yahrzeit memorials are listed by consecutive Gregorian month, date, and year, if known, or at the beginning of the list for one calendar year following the date of passing.
Compiled by Aitz Chaim over many years, this Yahrzeit list is maintained by the Ram’s Horn. Please send any corrections or additions to editor@aitzchaim.com
May the source of peace send peace to all who mourn, and comfort to all who are bereaved.
| NAME OF DECEASED | GREGORIAN DATE OF PASSING | HEBREW DATE OF PASSING | DECEASED RELATIONSHIP TO CONGREGANT |
| Marvin Langsam | Oct 27, 2013 | 23 Cheshvan, 5774 | Brother of Helen Cherry |
| Natalee Holly Kelman | Jul 10, 2013 | 3 Av, 5773 | Daughter of Evelyn Kelman |
| Ada Handler | May 01, 1980 | 15 Iyyar, 5740 | Grandmother of Wendy Weissman |
| Bessie Stiegler | May 23, 1998 | 27 Iyyar, 5758 | Aunt of Nadyne Weissman |
| Bette Weissman | May 29, 2010 | 16 Sivan, 5770 | Grandmother of David Weissman, Mother of Jeff Weissman, Patricia Phillips, Ted Weissman, Sally Weissman, and Gale Rietmann |
BOARD METING THIS SUNDAY, JUNE 2, 2:00 P.M.
There will be an Aitz Chaim board meeting this Sunday, June 2, at 2:00 P.M. at the Washington building, 1015 1st avenue North. Any congregation member is welcome to attend.
RABBI CHAIM TO VISIT MISSOULA/FLATHEAD/GREAT FALLS/HELENA
Dear Friends,
Do you need a Mezuzah for your home or office? Want to chat with a Rabbi about something? Need a dose of Torah?
I will be G-d willing visiting cities around the State on the following days:
Tuesday, May 28 – Missoula
Wednesday, May 29 – Kalispell/Whitefish
Sunday, June 2 – Helena/Great Falls
Let me know if you you’d like a visit or anything else.
( If you signed up for a free Mezuzah, I will be calling you, no need to email again)
Shalom,
Rabbi Chaim Bruk
IF THEY HAD A YENTA …
Submitted by Jerry Weissman
If they had a yenta, she’d say….
MONA LISA: “This you call a smile, after all the money your father and I spent on braces?”
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS: “I don’t care what you’ve discovered, you still should have written!”
NAPOLEON: “All right, if you’re not hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me!”
ABRAHAM LINCOLN: “Again with the hat! Why can’t you wear a baseball cap?
GEORGE WASHINGTON: “Next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!”
PAUL REVERE: “I don’t care where you think you have to go, but midnights are too late.
MOSES: “That’s a good story! Now tell me where you’ve really been for the last forty years.”
RABBI IN THE BATTER’S BOX
Submitted by Helen Cherry
Temple Beth Abraham’s softball team may have found its winning edge last week in the form of a 5-foot-3, 126-lb rabbi. After losing its first 2 games of the 2013 Diablo Valley Tzedakah league season, the Oakland synagogue team asked Rabbi Mark Bloom if he could suit up for a May 5 dblheader (a few regulars were absent). Bloom, 46, is often too busy to play, but he was able to do it this time, & the results were noteworthy: a 13-6 win over cross-town rival Temple Sinai & a 10-6 win over Temple Isaiah in Lafayette. Bloom is quick to note, however, that he didn’t have much impact on either victory. (Source: Jewish News Weekly of Northern California)
The Aitz Chaim Ram's Horn 