Submitted by Jerry Weissman

If they had a yenta, she’d say….

MONA LISA: “This you call a smile, after all the money your father and I spent on braces?”

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS: “I don’t care what you’ve discovered, you still should have written!”

NAPOLEON: “All right, if you’re not hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me!”

ABRAHAM LINCOLN: “Again with the hat! Why can’t you wear a baseball cap?

GEORGE WASHINGTON: “Next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!”

PAUL REVERE: “I don’t care where you think you have to go, but midnights are too late.

MOSES: “That’s a good story! Now tell me where you’ve really been for the last forty years.”