New Jewish words

Jewbilation (n.) Pride in finding out that your favorite celebrity is Jewish or that your offspring is marrying a Jewish person.

Torahfied (n.) Inability to remember one’s lines when called to read from the Torah at one’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah. (OR from the Haggadah at Passover)

Matzilation (v.) Smashing a piece of matzo to bits while trying to butter it.

Bubbegum (n.) Candy one’s mother gives to her grandchildren that she never gave to her own children.

Chutzpapa (n.) A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 am so she can change the baby’s diaper.

Deja Nu ( n.) Having the feeling you’ve seen the same exasperated look on your mother’s face, but not knowing exactly when.

Disoriyenta (n.) When Aunt Linda gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.

Hebort (v.) Forgetting all the Hebrew you ever learned immediately after your Bar or Bat Mitzvah.

Jewdo (n.) A traditional form of self-defense based on talking your way out of a tight spot.

Mamatzah Balls (n.) Matzo balls that are as good as your mother used to make.

Meinstein (slang) “My son, the genius!”

Mishpocha-dots (n.) The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on your face and collar after kissing all your aunts and cousins at a reception.

Re-shtetlement (n.) Moving from Brooklyn to Ft. Lauderdale and finding all your old neighbors live in the same condo building as you.

Yidentify (v.) To be able to determine Jewish origins of celebrities, even though their names may be St. John, Curtis, Davis or Taylor.

Minyastics (n.) Going to incredible lengths and troubles to find a 10th person to complete a Minyan.

Feelawful (n.) Indigestion from eating Israeli street food.

Dis-kvellified (v.) To drop out of law school, med. school or business school — as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents or Uncle Sid.
In extreme cases, simply choosing to major in art history when Cousin Irv’s son, David, is majoring in biology is sufficient grounds for dis kvellification.

Impasta (n.) A Jew who starts eating leavened foods before the end of Passover

Kinders Shlep (v.) To transport many other kids besides yours in your car.

Schmuckluck (n.) Finding out your wife became pregnant after your vasectomy.

Shofarsogut (n.) The relief you feel when, after many failed attempts, the shofar is FINALLY blown at the end of Yom Kippur.

Trayffic Accident (n.) Discovering that there was pork in your appetizer.

Submitted by Elliott Magalnick

Posted on May 2, 2015, in 2015, Joke, May, Ram's Horn. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: