Category Archives: 5781
SHMURA MATZAH — IT IS HOW IT IS HAND MADE
FROM AISH.COM
Contributed by Jerry Weissman, who personally prefers boxes of Manischewitz, Streit’s, etc.
SOME PASSOVER JOKES
From aish.com
There’s so much about Passover to appreciate – the traditions, food, songs, facts, history, sermons, blessings, services, Seders, haggadahs, family, friends. There’s Passover-themed movie and TV shows, and art galore. And, as with many aspects of Judaism, there is also a rich tradition of humor associated with the holiday. After all, once you’ve been liberated by God from slavery in ancient Egypt, you’re no doubt ready to relieve some of the pent-up tension with a laugh or two. And while the consumption, keeping, and owning of chametz is forbidden during Passover, humor is both allowed and appreciated. Okay, granted, the more Manishewitz you drink, the funnier the humor seems. Be that as it may, here are some favorite Passover jokes. And if you enjoy them even half as much as you do your matzo ball soup and tzimmes this Passover, well, dayenu.
Hear about the internet search engine for Passover? It’s called eliYAHOO
How do you drive your mother completely insane on Passover? It’s really a piece of cake
What’s your favorite Passover film? Shawshankbone Redemption
Why did the matzah quit his job? Because he didn’t get a raise
What army base is off limits on Passover? Fort Leavenworth
A little boy once returned home from Hebrew school and his father asked, “What did you learn today?”
He answered, “The Rabbi told us how Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt.”
“How?”
The boy said “Moses was a big strong man and he beat Pharaoh up. Then while he was down, he got all the people together and ran towards the sea. When he got there, he has the Corps of Engineers build a huge pontoon bridge. Once they got on the other side, they blew up the bridge while the Egyptians were trying to cross.”
The father was shocked. “Is that what the Rabbi taught you?”
The boy replied, “No. But you’d never believe the story he DID tell us!”
It seems a group of leading medical people have published data that indicates that Seder participants should NOT partake of both chopped liver and charoses. It is indicated that this combination can lead to Charoses of the Liver.
At our Seder, we had whole wheat and bran matzo, fortified with Metamucil. The brand name, of course, is “Let My People Go”
What do you call steaks ordered by 10 Jews? Filet minyan
If a doctor carries a black bag and a plumber carries a tool box, what does a mohel carry? A Bris-kit!
Why do we have a Haggadah at Passover? So we can Seder right words.
What do you call someone who derives pleasure from the bread of affliction? A matzochist.
A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park. He sat down on a bench and began eating. Since Jews do not eat leavened bread during the eight-day holiday, he was eating Matzo, flat crunchy unleavened bread that has dozens of perforations. A little later, a blind man came by and sat down next to him. Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man. The blind man handled the matzo for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, “Who wrote this nonsense?”
Did you hear about the gefilte fish that went deaf? He had to buy a herring-aid.
When it comes to Karpas, who is the king of Passover? Elvis Parsley
An Egyptian task master fell down a wishing well, The Jewish slave was amazed, “I never knew they worked.”
How does NASA organize their Passover Seders in space? They planet
Moses was sitting in the Egyptian ghetto. Things were terrible. Pharaoh wouldn’t even speak to him. The rest of the Israelites were mad at him and making the overseers even more irritable than usual. He was about ready to give up.
Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above:
“You, Moses, heed me! I have good news, and bad news.”
Moses was staggered. The voice continued:
“You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel from bondage. If Pharaoh refuses to release your bonds, I will smite Egypt with a rain of frogs”
“You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to the Promised Land. If Pharaoh blocks your way, I will smite Egypt with a plague of Locust.”
“You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to freedom and safety. If Pharaoh’s army pursues you, I will part the waters of the Sea of Reeds to open your path to the Promised Land.”
Moses was stunned. He stammered, “That’s…. that’s fantastic. I can’t believe it! – But what’s the bad news?”
“You, Moses, must write the Environmental Impact Statement.”
What did one Seder plate say to the other? “Dinner is on me!”
What kind of shoes did the Egyptians wear during the plague of Frogs? Open-toad!
Who is behind Pharaoh’s Evil Empire? Darth Seder
What was the name of the Secret Spy for the Jews in Egypt? Bondage, James Bondage
What did the Teddy Bear say when he was offered the afikomen? No thanks, I’m stuffed
How many Pharaohs does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, but he won’t let it go.
YAHRZEITS — NISAN, 5781
RAM’S HORN POLICY FOR LISTING YAHRZEIT MEMORIALS:!
Yahrzeit memorials are listed by consecutive Hebrew month, date, and year, if known, or at the beginning of the list for one calendar year following the date of passing.
Compiled by Aitz Chaim over many years, this list is maintained by the Ram’s Horn. Please send any corrections or additions to editor@aitzchaim.com
May the source of peace send peace to all who mourn, and comfort to all who are bereaved.
| Name of Deceased | Hebrew Date of Passing | Deceased Relationship to Congregant |
| Arleen Heintzelman | 3 Kislev, 5781 | |
| Gary Ray Holsclaw | 11 Iyyar, 5780 | Son of Arleen Heintzelman |
| Heidi Espelin | 2 Nisan, 5746 | |
| Sherri Estil Hopperstad | 2 Nisan, 5763 | |
| Leah Bailey | 3 Nisan, 5777 | Mother of Chaya Semple |
| Sid Kelman | 4 Nisan, 5763 | Brother-in-law of Evelyn Kelman |
| Bill Hinton | 4 Nisan, 5779 | Husband of Susan Hinton |
| Janet Woodcock Getzenberg | 7 Nisan, 5765</td | Mother of Anne Getzenberg |
| Morris Schandelson | 10 Nisan, 5748 | Father of Arnold Schandelson |
| Gary Cohn | 15 Nisan, 5744 | Brother of Arlyne Reichert |
| Elaine Thall | 17 Nisan, 5766 | Mother of Terry Thall |
| Harry Wasserman | 17 Nisan, 5763 | Father of Miriam Wolf |
| Margaret Slate Breslauer | 18 Nisan, 5729 | Mother of Bruce Breslauer |
| Esther Nagel Lyndon | 20 Nisan, 5772 | Aunt of Meriam Nagel |
| Naomi Bay Kaplan | 20 Nisan, 5767 | Grandmother of Kai Nealis |
| Irving Greenfield | 23 Nisan, 5760 |
MARCH OF THE LIVING: COMMEMORATE THE WARSAW GHETTO UPRISING WITH A DAFFODIL
I hope you are well.
I would like to let you know about an opportunity which is available through the POLIN Museum in Warsaw
Mary Seidler, is the international coordinator for the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising Campaign that is put on each year by POLIN Museum
She would like communities/synagogues/centers/organizations/schools to participate in their 78th commemoration of the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising. The uprising took place originally on April 19th, 1943, and for years POLIN Museum has been instrumental in commemorating, and encouraging communities globally to take a moment to remember this piece of Holocaust history. Click this link to learn more about the campaign: https://polin.pl/en/Warsawghettouprising
The campaign takes place on the 19th of April each year, and they commemorate the Uprising in several meaningful ways. Their campaign was established to not only commemorate the bravery of those who arose for dignity in the Warsaw Ghetto, but also to address the rise in anti-Semitism today.
Please contact Mary for more information:
mseidler@polin.pl
They ask all who wish to join this campaign to post a selfie with their daffodil on social media on 19 April, and stand in solidarity with us in Warsaw. Get a FREE daffodil now: https://www.polin.pl/pl/system/files/attachments/szabloneng_0.pdf | Tutorial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdaHfG9xNSA
Why the daffodil? The daffodil is the official symbol of the campaign. One of the last fighters to survive the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising, Marek Edelman used to lay yellow flowers, such as daffodils at the memorial to the heroes of the Warsaw Ghetto on the anniversary of the Uprising. This inspired what we do each year on this day, pass out paper daffodils all over Warsaw. These daffodils represent our campaign, and are also a reminder to help fight against anti-Semitism today.
When I am on the March of the Living, I distribute daffodils from POLIN to my delegation and we learn about Marek Edelman and visit his grave in the Warsaw Cemetery.
I hope you take advantage of this opportunity.
Marcia
Marcia Tatz Wollner
Director, Western Region March of the Living
marcia@motlthewest.org
858-395-3590
http://www.motlthewest.org
MONTANA JEWISH HISTORY
Golden Opportunities – A Biographical History of Montana’s Jewish Communities, by Julie L. Coleman, is a biographical history of Jewish communities in Butte, Helena, and Billings. Paperback, 120 pages, 1994. may be available from Amazon, eBay, or a local public library.
YAHRZEITS — MARCH, 2021
RAM’S HORN POLICY FOR LISTING YAHRZEIT MEMORIALS:
Yahrzeit memorials are listed by consecutive Gregorian month, date, and year, if known, or at the beginning of the list for one calendar year following the date of passing.
Compiled by Aitz Chaim over many years, this list is maintained by the Ram’s Horn. Please send any corrections or additions to editor@aitzchaim.com
May the source of peace send peace to all who mourn, and may we be a comfort to all who are bereaved.
Deceased
Congregant
The Aitz Chaim Ram's Horn 