Category Archives: 5781

PASSOVER SONG PARODIES – FUN AND FREE SEDER SONGS

Seder Songs
Song Parodies – Kosher for Passover

SHMURA MATZAH — IT IS HOW IT IS HAND MADE

FROM AISH.COM
Contributed by Jerry Weissman, who personally prefers boxes of Manischewitz, Streit’s, etc.

SOME PASSOVER JOKES

From aish.com
There’s so much about Passover to appreciate – the traditions, food, songs, facts, history, sermons, blessings, services, Seders, haggadahs, family, friends. There’s Passover-themed movie and TV shows, and art galore. And, as with many aspects of Judaism, there is also a rich tradition of humor associated with the holiday. After all, once you’ve been liberated by God from slavery in ancient Egypt, you’re no doubt ready to relieve some of the pent-up tension with a laugh or two. And while the consumption, keeping, and owning of chametz is forbidden during Passover, humor is both allowed and appreciated. Okay, granted, the more Manishewitz you drink, the funnier the humor seems. Be that as it may, here are some favorite Passover jokes. And if you enjoy them even half as much as you do your matzo ball soup and tzimmes this Passover, well, dayenu.

Hear about the internet search engine for Passover? It’s called eliYAHOO

How do you drive your mother completely insane on Passover? It’s really a piece of cake

What’s your favorite Passover film? Shawshankbone Redemption

Why did the matzah quit his job? Because he didn’t get a raise

What army base is off limits on Passover? Fort Leavenworth

A little boy once returned home from Hebrew school and his father asked, “What did you learn today?”

He answered, “The Rabbi told us how Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt.”

“How?”

The boy said “Moses was a big strong man and he beat Pharaoh up. Then while he was down, he got all the people together and ran towards the sea. When he got there, he has the Corps of Engineers build a huge pontoon bridge. Once they got on the other side, they blew up the bridge while the Egyptians were trying to cross.”

The father was shocked. “Is that what the Rabbi taught you?”

The boy replied, “No. But you’d never believe the story he DID tell us!”

It seems a group of leading medical people have published data that indicates that Seder participants should NOT partake of both chopped liver and charoses. It is indicated that this combination can lead to Charoses of the Liver.

At our Seder, we had whole wheat and bran matzo, fortified with Metamucil. The brand name, of course, is “Let My People Go”

What do you call steaks ordered by 10 Jews? Filet minyan

If a doctor carries a black bag and a plumber carries a tool box, what does a mohel carry? A Bris-kit!

Why do we have a Haggadah at Passover? So we can Seder right words.

What do you call someone who derives pleasure from the bread of affliction? A matzochist.

A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park. He sat down on a bench and began eating. Since Jews do not eat leavened bread during the eight-day holiday, he was eating Matzo, flat crunchy unleavened bread that has dozens of perforations. A little later, a blind man came by and sat down next to him. Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man. The blind man handled the matzo for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, “Who wrote this nonsense?”

Did you hear about the gefilte fish that went deaf? He had to buy a herring-aid.

When it comes to Karpas, who is the king of Passover? Elvis Parsley

An Egyptian task master fell down a wishing well, The Jewish slave was amazed, “I never knew they worked.”

How does NASA organize their Passover Seders in space? They planet

Moses was sitting in the Egyptian ghetto. Things were terrible. Pharaoh wouldn’t even speak to him. The rest of the Israelites were mad at him and making the overseers even more irritable than usual. He was about ready to give up.

Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above:

“You, Moses, heed me! I have good news, and bad news.”

Moses was staggered. The voice continued:

“You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel from bondage. If Pharaoh refuses to release your bonds, I will smite Egypt with a rain of frogs”

“You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to the Promised Land. If Pharaoh blocks your way, I will smite Egypt with a plague of Locust.”

“You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to freedom and safety. If Pharaoh’s army pursues you, I will part the waters of the Sea of Reeds to open your path to the Promised Land.”

Moses was stunned. He stammered, “That’s…. that’s fantastic. I can’t believe it! – But what’s the bad news?”

“You, Moses, must write the Environmental Impact Statement.”

What did one Seder plate say to the other? “Dinner is on me!”

What kind of shoes did the Egyptians wear during the plague of Frogs? Open-toad!

Who is behind Pharaoh’s Evil Empire? Darth Seder

What was the name of the Secret Spy for the Jews in Egypt? Bondage, James Bondage

What did the Teddy Bear say when he was offered the afikomen? No thanks, I’m stuffed

How many Pharaohs does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, but he won’t let it go.

YAHRZEITS — NISAN, 5781

RAM’S HORN POLICY FOR LISTING YAHRZEIT MEMORIALS:!
Yahrzeit memorials are listed by consecutive Hebrew month, date, and year, if known, or at the beginning of the list for one calendar year following the date of passing.

Compiled by Aitz Chaim over many years, this list is maintained by the Ram’s Horn. Please send any corrections or additions to editor@aitzchaim.com
May the source of peace send peace to all who mourn, and comfort to all who are bereaved.

Name of Deceased Hebrew Date of Passing Deceased Relationship to Congregant
Arleen Heintzelman 3 Kislev, 5781
Gary Ray Holsclaw 11 Iyyar, 5780 Son of Arleen Heintzelman
Heidi Espelin 2 Nisan, 5746
Sherri Estil Hopperstad 2 Nisan, 5763
Leah Bailey 3 Nisan, 5777 Mother of Chaya Semple
Sid Kelman 4 Nisan, 5763 Brother-in-law of Evelyn Kelman
Bill Hinton 4 Nisan, 5779 Husband of Susan Hinton
Janet Woodcock Getzenberg 7 Nisan, 5765</td

Mother of Anne Getzenberg
Morris Schandelson 10 Nisan, 5748 Father of Arnold Schandelson
Gary Cohn 15 Nisan, 5744 Brother of Arlyne Reichert
Elaine Thall 17 Nisan, 5766 Mother of Terry Thall
Harry Wasserman 17 Nisan, 5763 Father of Miriam Wolf
Margaret Slate Breslauer 18 Nisan, 5729 Mother of Bruce Breslauer
Esther Nagel Lyndon 20 Nisan, 5772 Aunt of Meriam Nagel
Naomi Bay Kaplan 20 Nisan, 5767 Grandmother of Kai Nealis
Irving Greenfield 23 Nisan, 5760

MARCH OF THE LIVING: COMMEMORATE THE WARSAW GHETTO UPRISING WITH A DAFFODIL

I hope you are well.

I would like to let you know about an opportunity which is available through the POLIN Museum in Warsaw

Mary Seidler, is the international coordinator for the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising Campaign that is put on each year by POLIN Museum

She would like communities/synagogues/centers/organizations/schools to participate in their 78th commemoration of the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising. The uprising took place originally on April 19th, 1943, and for years POLIN Museum has been instrumental in commemorating, and encouraging communities globally to take a moment to remember this piece of Holocaust history. Click this link to learn more about the campaign: https://polin.pl/en/Warsawghettouprising

The campaign takes place on the 19th of April each year, and they commemorate the Uprising in several meaningful ways. Their campaign was established to not only commemorate the bravery of those who arose for dignity in the Warsaw Ghetto, but also to address the rise in anti-Semitism today.

Please contact Mary for more information:
mseidler@polin.pl
They ask all who wish to join this campaign to post a selfie with their daffodil on social media on 19 April, and stand in solidarity with us in Warsaw. Get a FREE daffodil now: https://www.polin.pl/pl/system/files/attachments/szabloneng_0.pdf | Tutorial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdaHfG9xNSA

Why the daffodil? The daffodil is the official symbol of the campaign. One of the last fighters to survive the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising, Marek Edelman used to lay yellow flowers, such as daffodils at the memorial to the heroes of the Warsaw Ghetto on the anniversary of the Uprising. This inspired what we do each year on this day, pass out paper daffodils all over Warsaw. These daffodils represent our campaign, and are also a reminder to help fight against anti-Semitism today.

When I am on the March of the Living, I distribute daffodils from POLIN to my delegation and we learn about Marek Edelman and visit his grave in the Warsaw Cemetery.

I hope you take advantage of this opportunity.

Marcia

Marcia Tatz Wollner
Director, Western Region March of the Living
marcia@motlthewest.org
858-395-3590
http://www.motlthewest.org

MONTANA JEWISH HISTORY

Golden Opportunities – A Biographical History of Montana’s Jewish Communities, by Julie L. Coleman, is a biographical history of Jewish communities in Butte, Helena, and Billings. Paperback, 120 pages, 1994. may be available from Amazon, eBay, or a local public library.

YAHRZEITS — MARCH, 2021

RAM’S HORN POLICY FOR LISTING YAHRZEIT MEMORIALS:
Yahrzeit memorials are listed by consecutive Gregorian month, date, and year, if known, or at the beginning of the list for one calendar year following the date of passing.

Compiled by Aitz Chaim over many years, this list is maintained by the Ram’s Horn. Please send any corrections or additions to editor@aitzchaim.com
May the source of peace send peace to all who mourn, and may we be a comfort to all who are bereaved.

Name of
Deceased
English Date of Passing Hebrew Date of Passing Deceased Relationship to
Congregant
Arleen Heintzelman Nov 19, 2020 3 Kislev, 5781
Gary Ray Holsclaw May 5, 2020 11 Iyyar, 5780 Son of Arleen Heintzelman
Edith Semple Mar 2, 2010 17 Adar, 5770 Mother of Doug Semple
Mary Alice Barrett March 6, 2000 29 Adar, 5760 Aunt of Nadyne Weissman
Sarah Lewin Mar 11, 2017 13 Adar, 5777 Mother of Rachel Michele Lewin Costaneda
Sophia Weissman Mar 12, 1967 30 Adar, 5727 Grandmother of Jerry, Irving, Lauren, Susan, and Toby Jane Weissman
Benjamin Barrett Mar 13, 1968 13 Adar, 5728 Grandfather of Nadyne Weissman
Sylvia Fineman Mar 13, 2009 18 Adar, 5769 Mother of Robert Fineman
Pauline Eichner Mar 14, 1991 28 Adar, 5751 Mother of Jerry Eichner
Marcia Eisenberg Mar 15, 1992 10 Adar II, 5752 Mother of Sharon Eisenberg
Allan B. Silverstein Mar 16, 2012 22 Adar, 5772 Father of Erroll, Josh, and Daniel Silverstein
Fanny Dreilich Mar 17, 1930 17 Adar, 5690 Grandmother of Arlyne Reichert
Bernadette Nice Mar 23, 2014 21 Adar II, 5774 Mother-in-law of Julie Nice
Morris Schandelson Mar 28, 1988 10 Nisan, 5748 Father of Arnold Schandelson
Lillian Gissen Mar 30 Mother of Marion Kelman
Elsie Cook Mar 30 Mother of Helen Auch
Harry Crombie Mar 31, 1967 19 Adar II, 5727 Father of Arleen Heintzelman
Leah Bailey Mar 31, 2017 3 Nisan, 5777 Mother of Chaya Semple

THE SURPRISING ORIGINS OF PURIM

From My Jewish Learning

RABBI STAFFMAN AND THE MONTANA LEGISLATURE

From the Bozeman Daily Chronicle

PURIM IN RHYME

A Purim Potpourri – The Story of Purim in Rhyme