Contributed by Helen Cherry

Here are some excerpts from “The Optimist Sees the Bagel, the Pessimist sees the Hole”
If you can’t say something nice, say it in Yiddish
WASP’s leave and never say goodbye, Jews say goodbye and never leave.
Israel is the land of milk & honey; Florida is the land of milk of magnesia.
Where there’s smoke, there may be smoked salmon.
Never take a front-row seat at a bris.
No meal is complete without leftovers.
Laugh now, but one day you’ll be driving a big Cadillac & eating dinner at 4 in the

The roots of stand-up comedy can be found in the ‘shpil’, a skit performed at 16th century Purim festivities.
Classic Jewish Jokes:
A banker, who had converted to Christianity, was walking along the street with a hunchback when they passed a synagogue.
“You know, I used to be a Jew,” says the banker.
Replied his friend, “And I used to be a hunchback.”

A Jewish mother is at the beach with her 3 year old son when a giant wave sweeps the boy out to sea. The hysterical mother prays: “God, if you return my son I’ll keep a kosher home, go to temple every week & be a pious wife.”
A second giant wave sweeps in & deposits the boy at his mother’s feet. The mother looks up at the sky & exclaims: “He was wearing a hat!”

A skeleton walks into the doctor’s office. The doctor says, “NOW you come to see me!”

Izzy & Moe go to Hyman’s funeral. Izzy looks down at the coffin & says: “Doesn’t he look wonderful?”
“Why not”, says Moe, “He just came back from Miami.”

Posted on November 9, 2013, in 2013, Joke, November, Ram's Horn. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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