MANUFACTURER RECALL OF DEFECTIVE HUMAN BEINGS
Now that we have joyfully welcomed in the New Year 5773, it is time to turn our attention to more serious matters, such as the following recall notice:
The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.
This defect has been technically termed “Subsequential Internal Non-Morality” or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some other symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The manufacturer has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.
The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R (tollfree)
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure.
Next, download ATONEMENT into the heart component. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, it will be replaced with:
9. Self control
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers’ Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list here, and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.
Thank you for your attention!