JEWISH ZODIAC SIGNS

Go to any Chinese restaurant, and at your table you will more than likely find a place mat with the ChineseZodiac on it. (Some of us may have had this experience rather recently.) You might be wondering, what about me? Well, fear not, my friends, just in time for the New Year, here is your very own place mat (sans pictures) with your very own Zodiac signs on it. See below.

CHICKEN SOUP
1919, 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003
You’re a healer, nourishing all whom you encounter. We feel better just being in your presence. Mothers want to bring you home to meet their children: resist this at all costs. Compatible with Bagel and Knish.

EGG CREAM
1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004
You’ve got a devious personality since you’re made with neither eggs nor cream. Friends find your pranks refreshing; others think you’re too frothy. Compatible with Blintz, who also has something to hide.

CHOPPED LIVER
1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969,1981, 1993, 2005
People either love you or hate you, making you wonder “what am I, chopped liver?” But don’t get a complex, you’re always welcome at the holidays! Bagel’s got your back.

BLINTZ
1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006
Creamy and dreamy, you’re rightfully cautious to travel in pairs. You play it coy but word is with the right topping you turnover morning, noon and night. Compatible with Schmear.

LATKE
1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007
Working class with a grating exterior, you’re a real softie on the inside. Kinda plain naked, but when dressed up you’re a real dish. Compatible with Schmear’s cousin Sour Cream.

BAGEL
1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008
You’re pliable and always bounce back, although you feel something’s missing in your center. If this persists, get some therapy. Compatible with Schmear and Lox. Latke and Knish, not so much.

PICKLE
1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009
You’re the perfect sidekick: friends love your salty wit and snappy banter, but you never overshadow them. That shows genuine seasoning from when you were a cucumber. Marry a Pastrami later in life.

SCHMEAR
1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010
You blend well with others but often spread yourself too thin. A smooth operator, you could use some spicing up now and then. Compatible with Bagel and Lox. Avoid Pastrami – wouldn’t be kosher.

PASTRAMI
1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011
Brisket’s hipper sibling, always smokin’ and ready to party. You spice up life even if you keep your parents up at night. Compatible with Pickle, who’s always by your side.

BLACK AND WHITE
1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012
Kids love you but make up your mind! Are you black or white? Cake or cookie? You say you’re “New Age,” all yin & yang. We call it “bi-polar.” Sweetie, you’re most compatible with yourself.

KNISH
1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013
Flaky on the surface, you’re actually a person of depth and substance. Consider Medical or Law School, but don’t get too wrapped up in yourself. Compatible with Pickle. Avoid Lox, who’s out of your league.

LOX
1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, 2014
Thin and rich, you’re very high maintenance: all you want to do is bask in the heat getting some color. Consider retiring to Boca. Compatible with Bagel and Schmear, although you top them both.
© The Jewish Zodiac®,LLC. All Rights Reserved.

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Posted on September 17, 2012, in 2012, Joke, Ram's Horn, September 2012, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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