Recall Notice

Regardless of make or year, all units known as “human beings” are being recalled by the manufacturer. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam” and “Eve”, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all Subsequent units. This defect is technically termed “Serious Internal Non-morality,” but is more commonly known as “SIN.”

Some of the symptoms of the SIN defect include, but are not limited to, the following:

  • Depression
  • Fearfulness
  • Foul vocal emissions
  • Ingratitude
  • Jealousy
  • Lack of peace and joy
  • Loss of direction
  • Rebellion
  • Selfishness

The Manufacturer, Hashem, is providing factory authorized repair service free of charge to correct the SIN defect. He has most Generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. To repeat, there is no fee required. The number to call in for repair from all areas is PRAYER. Once connected, please upload the burden of SIN through The REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from Hashem into the heart component of the human unit. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Hashem will replace it with:

  • Love
  • Joy
  • Peace
  • Kindness
  • Goodness
  • Faithfulness
  • Gentleness
  • Patience
  • Self-control

Please see the operating manual, TORAH, for further details on the use of these fixes.

As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made Himself available to all repaired units through a special internalization function called NESHAMAH, enabling direct monitoring and assistance. Repaired units need only make the NESHAMAH welcome, and she will take up residence on the Premises.

WARNING: Continuing to operate a human being unit without these corrections voids the Manufacturer’s warranty.

Thank you for your immediate attention. Please assist by notifying others of this important recall notice.

Posted on September 8, 2011, in Joke, Ram's Horn, September, 2011 and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. In order to make sure that your warranty is not voided, please come to our Aitz Chaim High Holy Day Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur services.

    Erev Rosh Hashanah services will be 7 p.m. on Wednesday, September 28 at 1009 18th Ave SW. An oneg will follow.

    Rosh Hashanah morning services will be 10 a.m. on September 29 at 1009 18th Ave SW. Tashlich services will follow at Giant Springs State Park at 12:30 p.m.

    Kol Nidre services will be 7 p.m. on Friday, October 7 at 1009 18th Ave SW.

    Yom Kippur services will begin at 10 a.m. on Saturday, October 8 at 1009 18th Ave SW. A community break-the-fast potluck will follow Ne’lah.

  2. That’s cute. Definitely a modern look at high holy days.

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